


ruin me

by ambrosia (aestheticia)



Category: Pocket Monsters: Diamond & Pearl & Platinum | Pokemon Diamond Pearl Platinum Versions
Genre: F/M, Unrequited Love, sorry lmao, this started as a vent drabble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-28
Updated: 2016-07-28
Packaged: 2018-07-27 05:23:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7605181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aestheticia/pseuds/ambrosia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jun has always been an impatient and impulsive young man, but he’s sure that he can’t afford to rush through this, can’t afford to speak his mind as he is so used to doing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	ruin me

**Author's Note:**

> this started as me projecting my troubles onto poor barry and calling it a day but i couldn't leave it alone

_i’d never ask you, cause deep down i’m certain i know what you’d say_

Jun has always been an impatient and impulsive young man, but he’s sure that he can’t afford to rush through this, can’t afford to speak his mind as he is so used to doing.

 

How can he, when even looking at her makes his heart constrict and raise walls that force him into a facade? How is he supposed to deal with something that he’s known about for years, but suppressed in fear of -

 

In fear of what? He doesn’t quite know the term for it (she was always the book-smart one, even with all her naivete), and identifies it purely by the twinges of sadness that play his heartstrings, forming a cruel song composed entirely of his hesitation and longing.

 

He’s been steeling himself for several years, preparing for when he would finally admit his feelings. Even after they had gone on their separate journeys had he gathered the courage - genuine courage, unlike the counterfeit bravery and self-assurance that he rolls off him in waves - and battled her, bumped into her, under the pretense of rivalry, of wanting to beat her, he had come close to blurting it out once or twice. But when she had dethroned Cynthia and become the Sinnoh region’s champion, he had begun to acknowledge that she was leagues ahead of him, a beautiful, white-hot star shining light-years away from this world.

 

 

 

There was a large celebration the night after she had become Champion, and while he had tugged at the collar of the tuxedo his mother had managed to wrangle him into, Hikari had arrived, a floor-length ball gown hugging her figure. She looked marvelous, and as she approached him, he noticed scathing looks being thrown his way as her beauty turned heads.

 

“You look good,” he complimented. Good couldn’t even begin to cut it.

 

“So do you! I didn’t know you could be coerced into wearing a tuxedo, of all things,” she teased with a chuckle. She glanced behind her, then took his hand, asking in a hushed voice, “Dance with me. I need to tell you something.” His mind began to race, juggling possibility after possibility, but he nodded, swallowing hard.

 

She wrapped her arms around his neck, and he held onto her waist, the closeness of her body suffocating him. He missed a step or two during the first song, but he knew the second song well.

 

It was the song that Hikari had played during a sleepover when they were eight. She had wanted to learn how to slow dance, but Jun didn’t know how, so she had looked it up, and made him dance with her. It had been awkward then, but now that he was hyper aware of every breath she took, every sway of her hips, it was torture.

 

She had recognized the song as well and smiled up at him. “This brings back memories, doesn’t it?” Laughing, he said, “Remember when I stepped on your toes?” She had giggled at that, but her face sobered a few moments after.

 

“Jun,” she began, “I won’t be staying in Sinnoh for very long.”

 

He had made a guttural sound before clearing his throat and asking, “W - what do you mean? You have to stay here, you’re the Champion! You’re Sinnoh’s best trainer!” Panic and desperation ( _No_ , he had thought selfishly, _she can’t leave, not before I tell her how I feel!_ ) crept into his voice.

 

Her gaze fell, studying the silly bow tie he was wearing. “Cynthia will act as Champion while I’m gone. I’m headed to Hoenn, to participate in more contests and just take a break. I just - “ her eyes searched his face again for any semblance of understanding, dropping them when she found only confusion and hurt, “ - I just need to clear my head. It was rough fighting Team Galactic and heading to the Distortion World. I still have nightmares,” she admitted, but against the din of music and conversation, he had almost missed it. “I just want to get away.”

 

His grip on her waist tightened as he chastised himself for being so ignorant. He hadn’t known how much pressure she had, fighting off Team Galactic, becoming the Champion. “Hikari,” he had responded, despite every muscle, every nerve, every cell screaming at him to say more, “I understand. Good luck.”

 

 

 

He had sworn to himself that night to finally own up to his feelings, but here he is, standing in front of Hikari, holding what’s left of her luggage. He carefully places it on the ground and as his head rises, mouth open to begin saying some final goodbye, fabric wraps itself around his neck. “This is a non-returnable reminder that I’ll come back someday and that I better not return to some astronomically high fine.” His gaze drops to the scarf then back at her. Her grin is contagious, and he finds himself mirroring the expression.

 

“You better come back, because if you don’t, I’ll give you a fine that costs more than anything you’ve ever seen, just you watch!” he threatens, but there’s no malice to be found. She moves to claim her baggage, and he knows that it’s now or never.

 

He takes her wrist and pulls it toward him, arms finding her waist. She lets out a small yelp of surprise, and they're a few moments before she returns the embrace. “I’m - “ he falters, trying to find the right words to say. ( _I’m in love with you? Don’t go, I need you?_ His brain offers many suggestions, but he has so little time and so much to say) “I’m gonna miss you.” He fills the words with meaning, in a last-ditch effort to attempt confessing his feelings, at acknowledging the pain of his heart.

 

She breaks the hug first, looking up at him. “I’m gonna miss you too,” she replies, a small smile on her lips. The whole world falls out from underneath him as she gathers her bags and walks into the airport.

 

_you’d say, “i’m sorry, believe me, i love you, but not in that way.”_

**Author's Note:**

> let me portray him as this troubled and lovesick just this once please


End file.
